I went to costco with the full entourage today minus Henry and since I forgot my costco membership card I had to wait in the customer service line for a replacement. Max came and stood next to me, both of us facing the back of the man in front of us in line.
"Does that woman behind us wear a permanent look of judgement or is it special for us?"
Samantha was standing facing us, therefore had full view of said woman.
"Really?" I asked Samantha.
"Yes."
So after I choked on a laugh I turned around and smiled at her- which didn't break her facial shape, making me think that max's first suggestion was quite possibly true.
"How are you?" I asked to break the ice and see if she could make another face.
I believe she tried to smile as she said "good" but it looked more like a sneer.
We went on to shop after I got the card and it started out hairy. I threatened to leave twice because the kids were acting up. In reality and clear hindsight I think Alice was just fussy(hungry) and I was projecting her fussiness onto everyone else. Her fussiness is no joke. Is discombobulates me in no time. After a few tasters she was back to being a happy baby.
Her favorite was the lentil and vegetable soup. I promptly bought a case.
So after I wasn't juggling crying Alice and the cart(I had handed it off to George) it seemed like people started coming out of the woodwork to talk to us about our family size. Three of the tasters showcasers, or whatever they are called, said they came from families of 6 or 7. Then there was a lady that came from a family of 13- and spoke with a Spanish accent but then said "ciao" as she left our section. About 20 seconds after she left an Asian man came up and started talking. He gave George a religious tract and gave the little girls candy. He asked me "are they all yours? Same father?" Then a man waiting in line for the hotdog/drink combo talked with me- and a lady who came up in line after he left- delivered the "are they all yours?" line. I know I'm missing a person or two.
Let me now describe how the typical trip to Costco goes when Chris is with us.
He pushes the cart at a speed that is slow enough to stop for tasters but fast enough to make browsing nearly impossible. He gets chips, paper plates, and granola bars. I have to race through and shoot my arms out for coconut oil, olive oil, and maple syrup at the appropriate times or I will miss them. But, this is the important part- nobody speaks to him. Nobody even raises an eyebrow. He says people comment but it's SO rare!
He says he responds the same to everyone. Raises his eyebrows and says "yeah" with a smile.
"Boy you've got your hands full!"
"Yeah."
But that wouldn't work for me. Maybe I walk too slow. Maybe I put off a "please tell me about every big family you've known. Ever." vibe. Maybe he puts off a "back the F up" vibe. And he definitely pushes that cart too fast.
Maybe I should make a sign. "Please do not talk to me unless you are coming to offer to buy this cart's contents for me."
Too much for an introvert to ask?
I read the kids this blog and they decided to come up with a flash mob or two for the next costco trip.
Idea #1~ every child tries to look like three children each. By walking in such a way as to seem "bigger". Samantha demonstrated this by walking forward while at the same time doing the "wave" with her arms out horizontally. Everyone would have their own unique "big" walk. We would look like such a force of freakdome people would be too awestruck to speak.
Idea #2- my favorite- the kids will choose the most curmudgeonly looking person and start behaving badly around that person. Start begging that person for treats, getting in fights with each other, and riding on the end of that person's cart- all while calling that person "mom" or "dad"- whichever is appropriate.
I kind of look forward to running out of coconut oil again.
Sent from my iPhone
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