Tuesday, November 1, 2016

My feeble attempts at the total consecration

I've tried a couple times to complete a total consecration to Jesus through Mary á la St Louis de Montfort. Both times I started on my wedding anniversary two years in a row. 9/4. And I was slated to end on 10/7, feast of Our Lady of the Rosary. The whole thing is something like 40 days and you can't just start on any old day- there is a chart in the front that helps you know when to start so that you make your consecration on a Marian feast day.
So this last time I was cruising through. I missed a couple days but then I'd double up on the next day and catch up.
Something I read one day really touched me- I can't be sure whether it was in the daily readings for the consecration or whether it was interior freedom or finding and maintain peace of heart.
But it was something on humility. And it came at just the right time. I was beginning to praise myself for having done so much of the consecration and I was nearing completion and "my look how far you've come! You used to not be able to complete a simple novena and here we are just a week away from consecration. Good job you. It's because you have gotten organized, and you don't have a little baby keeping you up all hours, and you are responsible and keep your book in a safe spot that won't be lost or moved"

Yeah. The reading on humility just smacked that self talk right down.
I realized I could have been doing EVERYTHING right and it wouldn't have worked out unless God ordained it. Even good things- even things we believe God wants for us, they only happen when and if God ordains it. Maybe God didn't want me to complete the consecration because I wasn't completing it for him through Mary. I was completing it for me through Mary. And what a twisted thing that is!
So I immediately gave praise to God. All the good that has been done in my life comes from him. I also put my peace in Him. And told myself- whatever happens is God's will and just roll with it.
So two days later I couldn't find my book. The consecration book. And ordinarily I would run about the house and frantically search for it. Bribe the kids to find it. Yell maybe. But this time
I calmly searched for it while praying and didn't let it disrupt my peace(so I'm sure now that it was the "searching for and maintaining peace" book). I just searched and thought "this is exactly where God wants me right now" and I took peace from that.

So I brought the book with me- on my trip. And I've been praying about when to start. I decided a good day for my consecration would be 12/8- the feast of the Immaculate Conception. So I flipped to the front of the book for the schedule. And there, under day 1 was November 5th. Jedidiah's birthday. *And* this year it's a First Saturday. (He was born on a First Friday).
What a great thing! To begin the total consecration to Mary on a first Saturday *and* my saint's birthday. And to complete it in her conception day.
But- as with everything, only if it be God's will. And maintaining interior peace is always God's will.

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