prayers for frankie

today scared me. i was scared today.
i watched my little sweet effervescent frankie have a seizure that lasted between 15-20 minutes(based on my call history). And it scared me.
her eyes- alert and wild with fear.
her mouth- unable to tell me what she so wanted to tell me.
her body- just shaking so much that her muscles surely must be sore right now nearly twelve hours later.

I had put "st michael's Catholic Church woodstock" in my GPS and headed north to pick the older kids up. they're with friends from our co-op and we were going to meet after mass.
I was about 50 yards from the entrance of the church when I heard frances(who had previously been sound asleep) make a noise.
I looked in the rear view mirror and see her striking an awkward pose, her eyes wide open and cutting to the extreme left. For a brief second i thought she was joking. But what 5 year old kid who had never seen a seizure before would be able to mimic one so well?
I whipped the car into the drive and threw it in park and ran around to the side door. I climbed in and unbuckled her and attempted to snap her out of it. After about 10-15 seconds I realized it wasn't going to stop so I had George hand me my phone so I could call 911. I spoke to the woman all the while calming Frankie down. Telling her she was doing a great job, that she was brave, that mama Mary was holding her, that Jesus was helping her. Her eyes locked on mine- she was alert and could understand everything I said. I smoothed her hair. She tried to talk but her mouth didn't obey. Her right arm came up and didn't quite make it to her mouth before she coughed. She was trying to cover her mouth as she coughed!
"Don't worry about germs- just cough on me- it's ok." My heart was breaking watching her little body her scared eyes.
She began choking on spit so I leaned her forward and held her sweater that was on the seat next to her out for her to spit on. It began looking like a stroke. The spit, the left side was worse.
I asked the woman on the phone what was taking so long.
It took about 9 minutes for the firemen to get there(based on call history). The firetruck pulled up and I swear it was like watching teddy bears stroll through molasses- how slow they got their gear together and walked toward us! One man started assessing her while another talked to me. Another firetruck came by and the guy assessing her told his other partner near the street "no- tell them to go on, we don't need them- it's just a focal."
And I was scared but realized I could be more scared. That there are worse things than what was going on. It still didn't serve to comfort me too much.
I called Margaret and left a message. It was crazy how long her outgoing message is. I've never thought that before. I guess my perceptions were way off.
No, this never happened before.
No, she's not diabetic.
She didn't have a fever(I recalled how soft and cool her cheek felt as I stroked it).
Her birthdate?(I flashed back to her birth- felt punched in the gut- my baby)
"Her sugars are 98" said the assessing fireman. The ambulance pulled up and the fireman told me she needed a neurologist and we should go to Scottish rite. I told George To go look for the kids in the church. He couldn't find them. After awhile I yelled to some parishioners to find the family who had my kids. They didn't recognize the family name. I began to feel like something was off. It was a small church- why would they not know this family? Finally they said "you are not at st michaels woodstock- this is saint Michael's Roswell"
I desperately wanted to ride in the ambulance with Frankie. I wanted the dad who had my older kids to possibly drive my van and follow us. But I was at the wrong church!
So I just got in the van and set to follow. Before leaving they told me her seizure stopped. On it's own it stopped. Without meds.
So I just headed towards Scottish rite. I called father Kevin and told him to meet me at the hospital.
I must have caught every red light on my way back to 400. The kids and I started the rosary. Frankie always leads the first three ave's- one for faith, one for hope, and one for charity. The first ave was hard but by the time we were praying the third I felt some added peace. i don't think we finished the first decade. Between all the calls and the poor weather and driving conditions I think we barely finished the first Ave of the first decade.
The paramedic called me with more questions and even let me talk to frankie. She sounded like she was about to cry- like she was talking through a frown.
Margaret called. I summed it up for her.
Father Kevin called and asked me which ambulance Frankie rode in. I described the driver. He found her and I could hear him calling to Frankie- assuring her.
I pulled into the drive and valeted the car at the ER entrance. I grabbed the baby car seat, john(who had no pants and no shoes on as he sat in a puddle outside tech), I grabbed a bag and shoved in a few blankets and things, and the diaper bag.
I was about to head in when the valet asked for the keys- I took them in my purse.
As I rifled through my purse he spoke the words of a much overused cliche...
"you have your hands full" but he said it in such a sympathetic and real way that it was not at all annoying and all I could do Was whole heartedly agree. My shoes were wet so they were shoved in the bag with the blankets along with johns pants and shoes.
I got a sticker badge and commenced the barefoot walk through the ER with barefoot diapered John and MJ and George in tow and Alice in her car seat. We must have looked a sight. We found the room Frankie was in. She looked a bit pale but ok. Better than I last saw her. Fkp gave me a hug and said "her left side isn't working". Another punch to the gut.
She gave me a half hug. She seemed unaware that her left arm wasn't holding me. I jokingly berated her for riding in ambulance without me- "I wanted to ride too!"
Answering more questions- history, what happened, birthdate again, weight, how I learn best(???).
Father Kevin assumed childcare for john, mj, and George. I maintained Alice who thankfully slept through the entire seizure, drive to the hospital, and the first hour or so in the ER.

Posting this now- the previous was typed last night- just an attempt for me to process yesterday. Will finish more today if I need to process the rest.
Will def post update on her status.
Right now we are waiting on her to get out of MRI. She had a good night last night- sharing the hospital bed with daddy- I think she will be returning to cosleeping- per our comfort level with what's going on.