i took this survey last week sometime. if you'd like to take the survey and don't want the research to be tainted STOP READING- and go take the survey.
if you don't want to take this survery continue reading my mindless ramblings;)
SPOILER ALERT BEGINS HERE------------
so i took the survey and questions like "do you think your style of parenting is better than everyone elses?" or "do you feel like parents should make large sacrifices to offer tutors and special assistance to their child so they can be the top of their class?" or "did you make your infant's food or buy it from the store?" etc. and i am paraphrasing because my memory is shot.
at the end of the survey they told me what it was for. that they were studying the recent trend of "intensive parenting" going on in our culture.
so i looked it up. intensive parenting. because i hadn't heard of it. it turns out i have heard of it. or maybe it's better to say i have observed it. i just didn't know it had a name.
it's also called, more appropriately "over-parenting".
it's just a new movement or trend to provide EVERYTHING for your child- music class for your unborn child, yoga class for your newborn, reading lessons for your 8 month old, and spanish lessons for your two year old. expecting mothers are encouraged to make an extensive baby registry- signing up for the latest and greatest in baby toys to improve their baby's IQ. parents must provide everything, because the happiness and success that will come to them for the rest of their lives depends on it. it depends on your parenting and your parenting alone- nothing else influences your child's life but you.
i have observed it at the playground. watching parents shadow their children everywhere. cautioning all the time "be careful" "oh, you may fall" "don't run, you'll trip". i keep thinking soon they will be putting a helmet and knee pads on their kids just for a trip down the slide
but i find it within my own style as well. i buy whole foods including raw milk, i don't vax, i limit TV and video games, i co-sleep, breastfeed, cloth diaper, and communicate about elimination- maybe i am over-parenting in a natural way? but at the same time, i in no way look down on people who do not do these things. that's why when the question was asked "do you think your parenting style is better than those of other parents" i put "disagree". i think it's a struggle to find what style suits your family. i think parents nowadays have SO many people adding their two cents that it's often hard to know which side is up. i don't know what instincts drive other moms. all i know are the instincts that drive me. and when society stops pressuring parents to "keep up with the joneses" then i feel parents will be left alone to follow their instincts without all the white noise to confuse them.
so i am an intensive parent in some areas but in others i am not so much. to most "overparenting" parents my kids probably seem feral. i like the way one lady put it in an article- "benign neglect". i argue that it's the freedom to just be a kid that makes them happy. it encourages them thrive, grow, think, be creative, dream, etc. it helps them to know natural consequences and therefore learn concretely from their mistakes.
this feeling of parenting competition is so poisonous. i remember really feeling down on myself because of something my neighbor shared with me a few years ago. she happened to know the family of max's old baseball coach and finally when 2 and 2 were put together and the six degrees of kevin bacon were played they both found out that each of them knew our family. the mom went on to say "oh, the family that doesn't wipe their baby's nose?" what a shot? i mean, she's two, she's active, her nose was running like a faucet at one game- do i have to pin her down every two minutes? or put a feed bag under her face to catch it constantly?
and i retaliated- "well, at least she isn't still in diapers like her kid!" i thought. but here i was, on her level now and that didn't make me feel ANY better.
but parents are up against this- this new society driven desire to be the SUPER parent. and i don't think it's healthy for the kids at all. it's even creeped up into government and do we need government legislatively encouraging us to become intensive parents? intensive parenting is even now prefered by the court system here in america. i can't help but feel that our government is crossing a boundary and making tom jefferson roll in his grave. our founding fathers prided themselves on ingenuity, decisiveness, and action. the very attributes that over parenting or helicopter parenting squelch. this governmental trend is making me mad and scaring me at the very same time. it was one of the reasons why we pulled the kids out of school. they are OUR kids and when you tell us when and how we are "allowed" to educate them, that's when we draw the line. it's like being "allowed" to vbac. or being "allowed" to ride your bike.
what country are we living in again?
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