snake handlin' up at the church

last night was fun. the cub scouts had their thanksgiving feast/pack meeting and had invited a guest speaker. his name was "okefenoke joe". he came with a guitar and four wooden boxes. the boys knew what was possibly in the boxes. they tolerated the guitar playing well and were patient, only because they were told that this man had snakes. i was expecting the tamer variety of snakes. but this man starts in telling about how we wouldn't fear and hate snakes if we knew how to recognize the poisonous ones.
"there are only FOUR venomous snakes in the whole united states," he says as he takes this snake handling hook and puts it toward box #1. out of the box he pulls a copperhead. all of the sudden the room gets very very small for me. he is twenty feet away and i am feeling kind of giddy. then he puts the hook towards box #2 and pulls out a water moccassin which, he explains, is the same thing as a cottonmouth. i kind of start to giggle. i laugh when i'm nervous. i don't know why. he pulls out a rattlesnake from box #3 and puts it on the table with the others. it immediately begins to rattle. i can no longer contain my self. i stand up. rock the baby as an excuse to pace nervously. i didn't think i felt this way about snakes. then i think, "these aren't just snakes. these are THE MOST DEADLY snakes on earth". they curl around themselves and flick their tongues. he pulls out an all black snake from somewhere else, behind the table. now i know this snake is okay and i'm not nervous about this one. it's a rat snake and it's not harmful. i know this because i have looked this one up online before and he's holding it with his bare hands. he switches to bring out a king snake. he says the king snake could kill all the snakes on the table. that brings me little comfort. he puts them all away and pulls out a corn snake. it's beautiful and orange and tells us how it got it's name. he puts this snake away.
i realize fully that we have not looked in the fourth and biggest box yet. the box with a bumper sticker on it saying, "give snakes a brake". he doesn't open the box with his hand. he reaches over and opens it with the hook. he pulls an enormous rattlesnake and puts it on the table. it's not on the table for a second before it assumes the strike position and makes good on it. he strikes at this man three or four times, all the while rattling away. the boys aren't moving a muscle, i can't even tell if they are breathing. some moms are exponentially more afraid than i for a few of them cautiously move over to their child or wildly signal from the side of the room and mouth "MOVE BACK!!! I MEAN IT!!"
fr. jack, finished with a meeting in the hall across the way comes in for a peek. the man goes on talking about the earth and wild animals and such. fr. jack is impressed with how the boys are paying such rapt attention to this longwinded man. he says something about how maybe he should bring snakes to the pulpit...hee hee.