interior castle

5/13/2008 - is this going to work???
i have been needing an e journal. i used to keep a pen and paper journal in sleek wire bound notebooks bought at barnes & noble or some kizch store. but i type way faster than i write and most days i would give myself a wicked hand cramp with all the thoughts flowing in my brain. i don't think i want it public.
reasons...
1. i want to share my thoughts freely and not hold back bc i'm scared to hurt someone's feelings.
2. i feel a bit voyeuristic reading others blogs mostly because i think journals should only be read post humus(is that spelled right?)
sooo, i handled problem numero uno with a bit of a privacy curtain. my user name is ficticious. it's a name i got when i inserted my real name in a "what would your name be if you were a hobbit?" website.
http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/
i think i will put all my main characters in hobbit nomenclature. main characters being my husband and 5-soon to be 6 kids.
this will probably be the last post addressing a human audience. this is just to explain some things. when i keep a journal-i talk to God hence the blog name. interior castle is the book written by teresa of avila. she is an awesome saint of the Catholic Church and someone who really knew God and therefore knew herself. interior castle refers to the depth of spirituality attained when drawn into your soul- to the dwelling of the Blessed Trinity. it is there that we find God here on earth.
i did change this bit- my bro is over seas for the army and i wanted to keep him updated- so i've gone back and edited all the posts to include their real names.

5/14/2008 - may something, 2008
the morning started off bad. well, let's go back farther. mary jane was a restless sleeper. and i was not about to be outdone.
i just laid in bed feeling the newest kick wildly inside me. chris thinks it is a boy, so we will refer to him as such until we know otherwise.
so, as i lay there, staring at the ceiling, praying for God to do some of his great handiwork and turn me into a patient and understanding mom and wishing that i hadn't left the bread dough in the bread machine, little george, sleeping in the twin bed in our sitting room, starts to moan. he won't respond to whispered questions so i go over to his bedside. i find out that he is suffering leg cramps in his hamstrings. i surmise that it's probably from a lethal combination of a) not enough water taken, b) not enough rest taken-i.e. "no nap", and c) running around with posco sandybanks, henry, and max all day- finding honeysuckles and such.
i hope he doesn't have the same ailment as christina, my little sister. she slept on the top bunk and i, the bottom. often i would hear her load cries of pain. she would wake a few times monthly because of nocturnal leg cramps and my ever devoted older sister, lkathy would massage and cajole her.
so, that's what i did. i went to the bathroom and got the "go-to" muscle cream that i love the most!! tigerbalm. i massaged his tight hammys and stretched them against all his threats. i had to move him to the guest room bc his cries were keeping chris awake. i laid down with him in the guest room and he was soon asleep, while i stayed awake listening to the insane ceiling fan in henryand max"ss room. i ended up turning it off so i could finally get some much needed rest.
george woke once more and i answered with more massage and pleadings for slow breath.
so here i am. at the computer on a dewy morning, little tmary jane piling dvd boxes up in my lap until it almost touches my chin. i need to get outside and water the garden...
email max's teeball coach...
write the check for the mortgage...

5/15/2008 - may 15th 2008
i have an ultrasound today!!!
i'm 21 weeks and the baby is kicking good. chris can't go to the ultrasound bc he has a meeting soon after and my appointment is about 30 minutes away from his office. my neighbor, dolly, is coming with me. she's been really neat to get to know over the past few months. our kids are good friends now, always playing over at each others houses.
she'll come for moral support and to watch mary jane and george.
mary jane is now nursing only at bedtime. whenever she wants to nurse she crawls up in my lat and i give her a paci. we cuddle and gaze into each others eyes. we're doing this as i type. she's so precious. her eyes are getting pretty droopy. she had some post nasal drip coughing fits early in the night, but soon got over it. i propped her up on one of my pillows and she slept well the rest of the night.
george is watching sesame street. i don't know why lately i've been into the tv and such. it's weird. i never had the urge to turn it on, but lately i feel like it alot. in the morning. then right before nap. then right before dinner. it's weird.
yesterday i tried to break the spell by reading to mary jane. she LOVED it. so i think that's what i'm going to do. keep her little baby books by the recliner. good night moon. come to church baby. furry pets. just to name the staples.
i'll check in after the ultrasound. right now i've got to go shower.



5/16/2008 - may 16th 2008
this morning ruby stood in the kitchen talking with henry who swirled around in "daddy's chair". they talked about two girls who were skinny in ruby's 1st grade class. she said, "they hardly have ANY fat." i became sad, wondering why 1st grade girls would already be comparing bodies in that way. i told her that i hope they don't get sick, bc having a little meat on your bones is good for when you get sick. we discussed health and eating habits of a healthy person. i wish i could homeschool and get all this filth out of my kids brains