After Samantha was born I had about a year of spiritual dryness. Such aridity that my prayers seemed hollow. If it weren't for the habit of saying them(instilled by my parents) I would have stopped saying them altogether.
When max was born I started second guessing myself. My parenting style was pretty main stream. I has heard that babies would try to manipulate you. So you had to establish your role. If you picked them up when they cried, that was an example of them using you. If you fed them when they asked and not on a schedule, they would become gluttonous and would not be able to reign in their appetites. If you slept with them your marriage bed would become unsacred and your relationship would falter.
And yet, I felt unfulfilled as a mom. It all felt counterintuitive. Staged. Contrived. Unnatural.
I began questioning all these pearls of advice. And I adopted an altered version of that famous wristband asking "wwjd?". I woul ask myself "what would Mary do?". Would Mary let baby Jesus cry it out? Would Mary sleep in a different room altogether from her precious son? Would Mary feed Jesus only every three hours on the hour?
Albeit, Jesus was divine, even in infancy, but I believed Mary would raise any child, divine or not, in a similar vein. Simply because she was Mary.
So- my life changed slowly. At every parenting decision- big or small I aksed myself "what would mary do?"
the result? Cosleeping, babywearing, nursing on demand, cloth diapering, whole food preparation, and eventually homeschooling.
I can tell you it wasn't easy. It still isn't. But I feel so fulfilled and know without a doubt, that I am doing God's will for my life.
I love how paradoxical God can be.
1 comment:
I don't think Mary *had* another room for the Baby to sleep in. hehe
The thing that strikes me (perhaps especially because of our current situation) is that Jesus, at 12, was considered an adult in His culture. He was surely within His right to pursue His 'Father's business'. Yet, at the tacit request of His parents, He returned to their home and pursued His earthly father's business until the time came for His Mission to begin (18 years later). Surely, this would indicate, contrary to today's popular culture, that young people's proper place is within the family of their birth until they are ready to embark on their own mission, or ready to start their own family.
Incidentally, I have also had some additional musings about these scenarios: It was His mother who directed Him to forgo pursuing 'The Great Adventure' at 12, but by the same token, she encouraged Him, at the wedding at Cana, to step out into His ministry of miracles. It was this incident which, St. Luke tells us, revealed His glory and His disciples began to believe in Him.
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