God wants me to have.
a post in response to this one
i'm open to whatever. i'm not just talking about how many kids. i'm talking WHATEVER. i mean, rewind my life ten years. who'd have thought i'd be living this life? i would have chosen to elope. backpack in europe with chris as a honeymoon for a year. move to manhatten where i'd be a starving artist wife to a man with a gift for investing on wall street. we'd have quiet weekends in the park. i'd talk with friends about art, critiqueing the exhibit that was showing at the local gallery. kids would come eventually. each compartmentalized into two years apart until we had a fair sized family. we'd move to the countryside somewhere in virginia and try our hand at homesteading.
but instead, we chose to let God lead. he's got the plan. he sees the whole picture while we are left to look at shadows on a cave's wall. and where did he lead us? he led us to a place where just staring into your child's eyes is the shortest route to heaven. he led us to watching the kids play outside in the dusky evening of mid february. he led us to moving beds around to make room, adding plates to the table, stretching our hearts beyond limits that we set for ourselves.
yes, marriages can be strained by children. but only if your heart refuses to make room. children seem to add a catalyst to life. they can either bring out the flaws more, or make your spouse more attractive.
when i see chris pick up mary jane when she's upset and soothe her while gently rocking in the chair, i fall in love all over again.
when i see chris bent over a block of wood as the boys eagerly watch a pinewood derby car emerge from the dust, he is more attractive than he was when we were dating.
when i see him play "everyone vs. me" to end the soccer practice and he leads a pack of yelling six year old boys around the field, he's even more attractive than the day i first laid eyes on him.
when we are married and without children we are like the sand that is in the clam. but when we have kids, we are polished slowly overtime to become pearls.
samantha is always the first to remind me- when she hears me praying for patience, "mommy, God will not give you patience, but chances to practice it."
and i didn't even go into the benefits that come to the children when we are open to God's plan. i reap everyday the benefits i received when my parents said "yes". i have lifelong friends that will see me through ANYTHING. i could call them in the middle of the night and ask for help and know that they will not turn me down. and as my parents age, they have a host of caretakers willing to carry that cross and willing to give each other that break.
to so many, the choice to have or not have kids is similar to the choice to buy or don't buy a boat or condo. but children are so much more than that- and if one fails to see that, one fails to see God at work.
Liz - what a beautiful post. The other blog you referenced made me sad to read in its selfishness. It exemplified the commodification of children that is so prevalant in our culture today. People tend to think only in terms of the "cost," in which for some reason the utter bounty and blessing of children never seems to weigh in. And this high cost is, as you pointed out, a selfish worry that we will have less things if we have more children...sigh. You're such a wonderful witness for Christ! Susan
ReplyDeleteBravo! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteWell said, i think.
Although that man's post is valid in so many ways, we really should see that 2 is easier than one, and more than 2 can be equally as great!
I agree 100% about making room in one's heart for more. I also agree that being part of a small family, being that I was an only child, it is very hard to hurdle over ideals that involve more than I alone. Now that I have come to open my eyes to what a ''real'' family life is like, I can't imagine having it any other way, and I also see how all the feelings as I had as a child for more siblings were as valid. Being and only child is quite lonely, and no wonder many children who are in the same boat would want their parents home more often. I sure did. It was nice to have loving company, and if my friends were busy with their own families then i often felt bored and alone.
These feelings i had allow me to appreciate my ever growing family. I think too, that no matter the financial strains, I am able to give my children more than what money can give temporarily. Stability and understanding is more important long term. Money comes and goes as do random people and materials.
Family is the major basis for one's life, and because so many are the center of attention in their tiny families there is no wonder that folks are becoming ever so self centered in this country's culture.
Oh! Your post brought tears to my eyes. I think a lot of it comes with our ability to simply love. It seems to me that they lack that love and protectiveness, that almost primal feeling that's too difficult to put into words - that feeling that you would do anything on this earth for those you love the most; it's giving more of yourself than you thought you ever could, and often getting it back in return. I have to wonder if those people are even capable of loving others in that way. Christ calls us to love as he loves us, and those people just don't seem to fit that bill, and worse yet, like they wouldn't care to try. I come from a family that didn't want more kids after the first one, and were surprised when I came along, but never in my life - not one time ever did I feel unloved. I thank my parents for giving me the blessing of teaching me how to love unselfishly. Once you're able to open your heart to love others completely and unselfishly, the possibilities are endless, and might even include more children. ;)
ReplyDeleteenid, i think you bring up a good point. the thing that kills me is that jeremy(the blogger of said blog) is doing what he thinks is best for his kid. reading some of his other posts(the one about parenting and profeminist fathers)i just can't help but feel that he is the product of the university system. that he's been so conned into thinking that we have to save the world and stop having so many kids. that kids will suffer a host of psychological problems if they have to share their parents attention with another sibling. that buying a dog might somehow replace that need.
ReplyDeletei kind of worry sometimes- how are my kids going to handle college and all the liberal mindwashing that it brings. but i have a hope that their mere existence of their siblings will bring it all back into focus.
Love this post!
ReplyDeleteI would love to know the opinion of the author of the other post to the fact that couples who are open to life and/or practice NFP instead of contracepting have a divorce rate of less than 1%. Sadly, I suspect that he would respond that "they can't afford to divorce". He is blinded to the realities around him by his feminist training and the dominant thinking of our age. How sad for him and his wife and child.